The holidays are difficult, especially when grieving. For some, this will be the first Christmas or holiday without their loved one. It can feel incredibly overwhelming, isolating, and depressing.

Grieving is hard. It’s also confusing. The way we process grief looks differently from person to person. It’s okay to grieve how you need to. It ebbs and flows. Some days are hard, and some days it feels just okay.

Grief counseling is incredibly supportive and helpful, and there are great resources available, but sometimes loss is so deep and painful, it helps to have a few more ways to help quell some of the pain.

Don’t isolate. It’s easy to turn off the phone and draw the shades. Call a friend, go to a cafe or bookstore. Being around people can boost those feel good chemicals in our brain, because we are social beings.

Some people find memorializing their loved one during the holiday to be helpful. Whether that’s cooking their favorite meal or treat in honor of their loved one, or listening to their loved one’s favorite songs, it helps to allow yourself to feel close to them.

Allow yourself to feel all the emotions, from anger to happiness. Happiness doesn’t mean you don’t love your person, it means you are in the present moment, experiencing a moment in time. Remember that feeling guilty is normal during the grieving process, but don’t be hard on yourself.

Allow yourself to take breaks, cry, be angry, or even feel numb. Allow yourself to talk about your loved one with others. Talking about our loved ones is healing, comforting, and honors them. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about them either.

Remember that grief is a process. It looks and feels messy. It’s your journey, and a very personal one. Give yourself grace, and be patient with yourself. Take all the time you need.